Too many people, doctors articles claim some women can’t have orgasms…
About 10% of women have never had an orgasm — either with a partner or during masturbation. And quite a few of them have found their way into my therapy practice. That’s when I tell these women the good news: It is possible to learn to be orgasmic.
The first and most important lesson is to practice developing a balance of tension and relaxation during sexual activity. But, my women clients ask, how can they be both tense and relaxed at the same time?
The type of tension that helps women reach orgasm is muscle tension (myotonia). Many women have the mistaken impression that they should relax and “just lie there” because they’ve heard that relaxation during sex is important. But it turns out that muscle tension is often necessary for an orgasm. In my experience, the majority of women learn to have their first orgasm by incorporating a fair amount of leg, abdominal, and buttock tension.
Not surprisingly, women report that the most orgasm-inducing muscle contractions are in their lower pelvis. These are the same muscles you squeeze to stop the flow of urine midstream (a conscious contraction of this group is called a Kegel exercise).
Any sexual problem that persists for more than a few weeks is worth a visit to your health care provider. He or she can rule out medical or medication-related causes and offer advice on solving other types of problems. Your health care provider can refer to other specialists, such as a psychotherapist, marriage counselor or sex therapist.