There’s no drama, no fighting. You’ve been together for years, raised kids and pets. The love is still there, but the spark just isn’t. As months drift into years, you realize: You’re in a sexless marriage. Does this all sound familiar? Well you’re not alone.
As I sex therapist and relationship expert, I can tell you that most married couples don’t really know what to expect of a long-term relationship. I have had countless sessions with couples who feel at a loss and are suffering from depression and hopelessness in their relationship. There’s more at stake than simply boredom. Very often, couples are headed toward a bigger disconnect in the marriage – and looking for affairs or possibly divorce.
A sharp tongue is a red flag of growing frustration in a passionless marriage. If you’re bitchy, if you treat each other with contempt, it’s a warning sign. It may not happen all the time, but it happens often. It’s because people start to feel neglected, disappointed. They had expectations of what marriage should be like, and this is not what they’d hoped for.
In fact, boredom is very often a cover-up for anger and disappointment. Those deeper feelings have to be dealt with. I’m not talking about deep therapy; it can happen in one or two visits. But there has to be a refocusing on the relationship… a renewal of what this marriage is supposed to be.
Keeping your marriage on track—sexually and otherwise, requires good communication skills. That is where I come in to help. A therapist can guide you toward improving those skills and get both of you to gain a better understanding of one another. It’s not our differences that pull us apart, it’s how we handle them.
You need to really listen to your partner in a way they know you love and respect them. Depending on where the rift is between the couple, I will come up with a plan of action with different approaches and strategies that is best for both partners.
Each case and couple is different so there is no “one-solution” to the problem. Don’t suffer in silence and take your partner for granted any longer. You once fell in love and you can bring it back. It’s time for the both of you to start living again and rekindle that spark that has fizzled down.